Mass needs more crying babies.

Across the sanctuary a baby is crying. A few pews over a little boy is sitting on his mother’s lap playing with a stuffed animal. In the cry room a toddler is screaming. My six-month old is busily making raspberry noises as loud as she can. Those close to us smile because it is just too cute. Yet, there are others in the congregation who are annoyed at one end and very upset at the other by the disturbances these babies cause. I used to sympathize with them and even stopped attending Mass for a while when my youngest son started getting rambunctious and the parish we were in didn’t have a cry room. I thought it wrong to disturb those who come to worship when my kid couldn’t sit quietly like a little doll. Then I learned about the true power behind a baby’s voice.

God shared with man something he did not share with the angels – the ability to co-create a life. Man and woman come together to form one flesh, a baby, in which God incarnates a soul. God, man and woman work together to create a new mortal being with an immortal soul. This so enraged the devil that he willfully separated himself from God and fell from heaven. He has made it his sole purpose to separate God from his beloved mankind.

He started by tempting man, introducing sin into God’s perfect creation. Death entered the world and man fell from God’s grace. We were separated from our heavenly Father by a great chasm, one no man could ever bridge. Only a sinless man could ever be considered worthy of inheriting God’s kingdom, his royal nature. Only divine blood held enough worth to pay the ransom of death and free man from eternal imprisonment. In his infinite love for his children the Father sent the Son, the Word, to be incarnate and become like us in all things except sin.

Jesus is fully human and was subject to temptation as all of us are. Not born with original sin, he did not have the attraction to sin that we suffer with. I believe the devil tempted Jesus relentlessly. If he could have gotten Jesus to sin Jesus would not have been worthy to bridge the chasm. But perfection cannot sin against itself. Jesus is also fully divine and by his death and resurrection he became our salvation. His royal blood spilled for us paid our ransom and he became our redemption. The path to paradise was restored.

The devil had failed in keeping the path between God and man closed. Now his only option is to get man to willfully separate himself from God just as he and the other fallen angels had done. As the father of lies this has been an easy venture and he has spent all of human existence convincing people that God does not exist. He muddies the path to God so people get lost along the way and wonder unknowingly in the wrong direction. He has gotten cultures to sacrifice their children to him under assumed names and purposes. Even today we sacrifice our children to the gods of convenience, time and desire. We don’t look upon it as murder of a human but a woman’s choice, her right, to do as she pleases. Human sacrifice is human sacrifice despite whatever name we call it or justification we give it. This greatly pleases the devil.

In as much as getting a man to willfully deny God pleases the devil I believe he has found something that pleases him even more. The devil is jealous of man because of his ability to participate in creation and bring forth new life. What could be more pleasing to satan than to get man to walk away from this great honor we have been given? Before the invention of artificial birth control when a woman had sex with a man she did so at the risk of her own life. Death of the mother during and through pregnancy was common. A woman who accepted this risk gave her entire self over to the man she had sex with. It was the self-sacrifice the marital act was supposed to be. If the woman got pregnant a real man would take responsibility for her and his child.

After the invention of artificial birth control sex was no longer about sacrifice. It was about pleasure and recreation. Pope Paul VI wrote an encyclical issued on July 25^th, 1968 called Humanae Vitae “Of Human Life” re-affirming the teaching of the Catholic Church regarding married love, responsible parenthood and the continued rejection of artificial birth control. In it he made four predictions of what would happen if the use of artificial birth control became widespread:

1: The widespread use of contraception would lead to conjugal infidelity and the general lowering of morality.

2: Man will lose respect for the woman and no longer care for her physical and psychological equilibrium and will come to the point of considering her as a mere instrument of selfish enjoyment and no longer as his respected and beloved companion.

3: The widespread acceptance of contraception would place a dangerous weapon in the hands of those public authorities who take no heed of moral exigencies.

4: Contraception would lead man to think that he had unlimited dominion over his own body.

One does not have to look too far to see how right Pope Paul VI was when he wrote Humanae Vitae. If there is any hope that our culture will survive studying and enacting the teaching of Humanae Vitae in our personal lives is the first, the greatest step we can take. It would restore marriage and family back to the proper place they are meant to be.

With the invention of artificial birth control the devil gave us the ability to say no to God’s plan of co-creation of new life. He then concentrated on turning us self-centered, it’s all about me and what I want right now. Sex was no longer a sacrifice, a gift of value freely given to a beloved. Sex was all about one’s self and one’s own pleasure. This greatly slowed the rate at which new life was born.

Then the devil went back to work on convincing us humans to sacrifice our children to him. He couldn’t stop all pregnancy so now he had to concentrate on ending as many as he could. On January 22^nd, 1973 the Supreme Court of the United States affirmed the unlimited domain of a woman over her own body by allowing her to terminate a pregnancy in the first trimester – Roe vs Wade – the case that made abortion legal. It did so based upon the fact that this country has never officially defined when a human life actually begins. The court did not recognize a life beginning at conception so limited the state’s right to regulate abortion only after a fetus is considered viable outside of the mother, around 26 – 28 weeks.

And so it became legal for a woman to end a growing life inside her and we began to sacrifice our children to the gods of convenience, time and desire ever since. Over 57,500,000 babies have lost their lives in the United States alone since abortion was made legal in 1973.

The voice of a baby is painful to the devil’s ears. It reminds him of the gift God gave man in co-creation. Every whine, every cry and especially every laugh a baby makes is a reminder to the devil of where he has failed and love has succeeded. A baby crying at Mass is not a disturbance, it is a song of joy and praise to heaven above. Be thankful for those crying babies and the families who have said yes to God’s great plan. Without them there will be no Church in twenty, thirty or forty years. When you see parents at Mass with four, five, six or more children struggling to keep chaos from ensuing thank them for their willingness to say yes to God and accept life as it has been given to them. They really need to hear it.

Please join the pro-life movement and those participating in the March for Life in Washington, D.C. on January 22^nd in praying that we come to our senses and put an end to the legal murder of the most innocent among us.

An unborn baby is a life to be celebrated, not a burden to be terminated.

What is Agápe?

At a management seminar I once attended the instructor had everyone in the class tie air filled balloons around our ankles with a one foot piece of string. He then told us that anyone who still had an inflated balloon attached to their ankle at the end of two minutes would win the exercise. The second he yelled to begin the room became a frenzy of foot stomping people desperately trying to flatten another’s balloon without having theirs flattened in the process. Within a minute there were no inflated balloons to be found as those who could not keep their balloon safe ganged up on the few who remained.

The instructor gathered the class together and asked, “What did you have to do to win the exercise?”

“Keep our balloon from being popped.” someone answered.

“And who told you to pop the other balloons?” he then asked.

We all stood around giving each other dumb looks. We could all have been winners if we had done nothing more than stood still for two minutes. Given the competitive nature with which we have been raised it was not enough to just have an un-popped balloon – we had to pop as many as we could in the process. In order to be successful we had to make others fail.

This is often the same approach we take with God. We try to make ourselves look better by making others look worse. We try to justify our shortcomings by comparing ourselves to those who have much greater shortcomings, at least in our eyes.

“The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’ “  - Luke, Chapter 18, Verses 11 and 12

We silently echo the words of that tax collector in our minds as the bells ring during the presentation of the Sacred Blood immediately following the consecration of the Holy Eucharist during Mass.

“God, be merciful unto me, the sinner!” – Luke, Chapter 18, Verse 13

The truth of the matter is that there is no competition in God’s eyes. He loves Mother Teresa the same as he loves Adolph Hitler. God IS love, and not just any type of love, but agápe.

The English language is at a bit of a disadvantage when it comes to the word love. We have one word that has been given a dozen different meanings. I love my wife. I love my pet squirrel. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. One word, many different meanings.

In Greek, the language of the New Testament, there are many different words for love that each has specific meanings. One is Éros from which we get words like erotic. It refers to a physical love of an intimate nature. Another is Phillia from which we get words like Philadelphia, city of brotherly love. That is exactly what type of love Phillia is – brotherly love, affectionate regard or friendship.

The last word for love that I will talk about is Agápe. This is an unconditional, sacrificial type of love that does not hope to be returned. It is the kind of love that is placed before all else. To better understand the New Testament try substituting the word sacrifice where you see the word love.

God is love – God is sacrifice – God is agápe. God has power, God has knowledge, but God IS love.

Let’s look at probably the most used passage at any Christian wedding and substitute the word sacrifice for the word love:

“Sacrifice is patient, sacrifice is kind and is not jealous; sacrifice does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13, Verses 4 - 7

That is the kind of love God has for each and every one of his creation, his children. That is the kind of love that we are called to have for each other. It is definitely the kind of love that is needed to have a successful marriage or to be a good parent and it is the reason why there is no competition with God. He loves us all the same, unconditionally, sacrificially, agápe. We cannot get him to love us more by getting him to love someone else less. He loves us all completely and wholly.

If I want to find favor with God I do so not by competing with, but by serving my fellow man. I am called to be the one who sacrifices my balloon so that you can win the exercise. If we all were willing to sacrifice for each other we all win together.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.” – Luke, Chapter 10, Verse 27

This is what agápe means.

Technology is the devil's folly.

Technology increases our efficiency, productivity and brings us closer as a people. At least that is what we are meant to believe. Like with every good lie there is some truth to that statement but in reality technology is nothing more than a brilliantly disguised tool of the devil. We are meant to believe that we are more efficient, more productive and closer as a people but closely examine your own life and you will find that this is not close to being true.

Let’s look at one piece of technology that none of us can live without – the telephone. Back when it became popular every house had one. It was found in a centralized location mounted to a wall or on the counter and you had as much mobility as far as you could stretch the two foot cord. The first innovation was to create a longer cord, some long enough that you could stretch them all the way into another room. Then we went cordless allowing the user free roam of the entire house.

When you wanted to talk to someone you called their house and hoped that they would answer. If they didn’t you hoped that someone else would so you could leave a message. Out of necessity the answering machine was invented so you would never miss a call again. Land lines gave way to cell phones so you could get a call no matter where you were. This was done all in the name of efficiency, productivity but mostly convenience.

When I entered the work force there were no such things as cell phones. I went to work, did my job and came home. Work was work - home was home. The two did not cross. Work had a phone in case there was an emergency but it hardly ever interrupted my work. Today I carry a cell phone for work and am accessible twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, even on Christmas Eve. I even can do all of my emails directly from my phone.  I never really leave work and if I leave my phone on my desk because I need a break I usually come back to a bunch of voice mails and texts from people worried something happened to me because I did not answer the first seventeen times they called. It has become easy for anyone to call me anytime for any reason no matter what I am doing.

But telephones have shrunk the world and brought us closer together. I no longer have to take a couple hours of my time and go visit my mother. I can now give her a quick five minute phone call once a month to let her know I care. How efficient is that? Even conversations are becoming things of the past.  I can type out a few words in a short sentence and send a text. I don’t even have to use words.  I can use emoticons and cute text abbreviation. RUOKJ?

We  have a world of people addicted to their phones, many of who could not function without them. Several people I know even carry two or three phones with them at all times. They are constantly jumping from one to the other. Try having a conversation with someone today that isn’t interrupted by a call or text message. We have become a distracted people. I sat at a red light one day as nine cars made a left hand turn in front of me. Out of the nine cars, seven of the people were either on a call or were trying to text while making the turn. It has gotten so bad that we even have to sadly announce before each Mass, “Out of respect of our liturgy please turn off all cell phones or set them to vibrate now.” And even then it is not a rare occurrence when someone’s goofy ringtone goes off in the middle of Mass. I was even present when a priest’s cell phone rang right at the end of the service.

A distracted people is exactly what the devil wants us to be. He wants us to pay attention to anything other than what is really important. He loves it when instead of actually visiting with family all we do is check out their Face Book page to see what’s new in their lives. He is tickled pink that the very things that were suppose to make out lives more efficient, productive and bring us closer together has filled our lives with so much noise that we don’t have the time for anything or anyone. I would volunteer at the soup kitchen but I just don’t have the time. Hey, I made it to Easter Mass what more do you expect? I know I was ten minutes late and complained about not finding a seat but I made it for communion. I would have stayed until the end but I had other places I had to be…

One of the best things a family can do is to eat an evening meal together. Very few families actually do this anymore. Our lives have become so efficient from the technology that no one has the time. Even when they do many times the family members sit in silence as they thumb away at a tiny keyboard on some electronic gizmo. Time and experiences are no longer shared. If I want to know how my daughter’s day went I have an easier time finding out by looking at Face Book.

In many ways I envy the Amish. They have their own issues but they still eat together as a family and gather as a community. Their focus is on work, family and prayer and not on what Miley Cyrus did today or who wore what where. I secretly hope that a massive solar flare comes one day and makes them the technologically superior people.

I am an engineer and a father of five in the modern world. I won’t be trading my cell phone for a horse and black hat anytime soon.  But I can recognize the hand of the devil at work and do my best to keep my priorities where they should be. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and love your neighbor as yourself.

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions but if I did I would resolve to live the next year as simply as I could, actually caring for those around me and using the tools of the devil as little as possible.

Evangelize – Proselytize – Catechize, what is the difference?

Evangelize – Proselytize – Catechize, what is the difference?

Evangelization and proselytization are both acts which are done with the hope of converting someone from a particular religion, or no religion, to another religion. Evangelization when done properly is the sharing of one’s faith in a non-confrontational manner with the hope that the sharing sparks an interest in the listener and the conversation continues. Proselytization is a more direct, confrontational approach that tries to convert a person by making them believe that a particular way is the only right way and that you must believe that way as presented or suffer the consequences. Proselytization has never been overly successful and is illegal in some countries. It never less remains one of the most popular ways to try to convert people to a particular way of thinking. To catechize is to instruct someone in the principles of a religion (most commonly associated with Catholicism) by means of question and answer, typically using a catechism. Catechism continues what evangelization begins.

This blog is a bit of both evangelization and catechization. It is my way to share my faith with you while providing some instruction and explanation on why Catholics believe what we believe. Going through RCIA the second time with my wife and son I found that I like to share my faith. More so, I found that I enjoy explaining or teaching why we believe what we do. There is no end to the number of people, Catholic or not, who are willing to tell you why we believe and do what we do. Unfortunately, the number of people who get it wrong are more numerous than the web pages that will back up their claims. The Church, at least in America, has done a poor job through the ages in properly catechizing the faithful. As a result we have a church full of people who stand together on Sunday and proclaim, “I believe….” But then get to the parking lot and say, “But I think the Church is wrong on….”

The Catholic Church has the magisterium. The magisterium is the authority that spells out exactly what the authentic teaching of the Church is. It stems from apostolic succession. Jesus taught his disciples and gave them the authority to teach their replacements. The replacements came to be known as bishops. Bishops have the authority, responsibility and duty to teach the authentic teachings of Christ to the faithful. The magisterium consists of the pope and the bishops who are in communion with him.

What the magisterium ensures is that every Catholic Church teaches the same thing no matter where they are in the world. Truth and teaching is not left up to the individual parish or person to define for themselves. Jesus taught his disciples one way, one truth. Today we have over 41,000 Christian denomination and non-denominational churches throughout the world each teaching what they believe to be the truth. I think it is safe to say that there are not 41,000 different versions of the one truth.

The Catholic Church is the only church that can back up a claim of having an unbroken line of apostolic succession leading directly back to Jesus himself. What the Church teaches today is exactly what the first disciples taught and received directly from Jesus. Church teaching may have been clarified through the years but it has never changed, even during the bad years of even worse popes. No matter how corrupt they may have been none of them changed Church teaching even to benefit themselves.

The key word behind teaching a faith is authority. By whose authority are you teaching? If I were to show up at your house and demand you let me in because I was with the FBI I would be in a lot of trouble. I am not there with the authority of the FBI. The same is truth with faith. Am I teaching the faith according to Christ or am I teaching the faith according to Bob? Where does my authority come from? For a Catholic, the authority to officially teach the faith (catechize) comes only from the diocesan bishop. All Catholics are called to evangelize their faith as a mandate of their baptism but only those with the bishop’s approval may officially teach the faith.

I wanted to join our parish’s RCIA team but I would first have to gain the bishop’s approval to teach with authority. The following week I saw a notice in the church bulletin announcing that a new class of ministry formation was about to begin. The diocese offers a two year course for people who want to become a Catholic lay minister in one of the many ministries the church offers. The description of the course reads as follows:

 

What is the Ministry Formation Program?

 

A two-year formation program for Catholic lay men and women with at least a high school education who want to:

 

• offer leadership in an area of ministry,
• deepen spiritual awareness,

• enhance theological knowledge,
• develop pastoral skills for a particular area of ministry.

Who benefits from the Ministry Formation Program?

You and your parish.  Well trained lay ministers will promote the Gospel and encourage the involvement of others.

 

To learn more about the ministry formation program CLICK HERE.

 I sought approval from our parish priest and was enrolled in the course. Orientation day I felt very out of place. I wasn’t very comfortable around “church people” and these were definitely people who wanted more out of their faith than just a Sunday Mass. In the first class we had to do an introduction, state what parish we were from and tell what rolls we currently do for our parish. I listened to my classmates tell who they were, where they were from and the title after title of the ministries they were involved in. When it was my turn it simply went, “Hi, I’m Bob from St. Rita in Rockford.” It was the exclamation point on the “you’re in the wrong place” sentence echoing in my mind.

I am now half way through my second year of ministry formation and I can honestly say that it has been one of the best things I could have ever done. It has been transformative in my life. I have learned my faith at a deeper level while making some very good friends along the way. It has changed the way I think and look at people. It is leading me in directions I never thought I’d go. Before taking this course I would say that I did more proselytizing than evangelizing. I can only hope that my proselytizing days are long behind me.

As with all things with God each door he opens leads to a larger room. One just has to be willing to walk through the door. I am now almost through the room of ministry formation and am faced with yet another door. God is asking if I want the door to be opened and now instead of presenting excuses why I don’t I am willing to say yes and see where it leads.

I am now walking this road to Damascus with purpose instead of wandering aimlessly.

Merry Christmas!

“Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city. Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child. While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

 

In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. “This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

       “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”

When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger. When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.”

Luke 2, 1-20

And so began the first Christ Mass or Christmas where man received the greatest gift we would ever receive. Prepare your hearts to be as empty mangers waiting for the baby Jesus to come. Welcome him into your life and love him as any good parent loves a child. Let him shine through you into the New Year as a beacon of faith, hope and charity. Without him we are but dust. With him we become adopted royal heirs to God’s great kingdom or basileia.
 

 

"In the beginning was the Word,

and the Word was with God,

and the Word was God.

He was in the beginning with God.

All things came to be through him,

and without him nothing came to be.

What came to be through him was life,

and this life was the light of the human race;

the light shines in the darkness,

and the darkness has not overcome it."

John 1, 1-5

Rejoice for the Christ has come!

 



Right as Rain

It was now time to enroll our children in CCD. When we called to register we found out that my oldest was now too old to be entered into the program.  If he wanted to get confirmed he would have to go through the RCIA program instead. It was disappointing news at first but worked out better in the end. The middle two children were enrolled in CCD and began their religious education.

Seeing RCIA is an adult formation program it wasn’t something I was going to force my son to go through. If he wanted to become Catholic we would enroll him in RCIA. If he didn’t or wasn’t ready we wouldn’t force him to go through it. My son aims to please everyone and said he wanted to go through the program. I hoped that he wanted to go through it for himself and not just to please me. He assured me that it was something he wanted to do. His mother wasn’t very happy with this decision but said she would support him in it. He chose his grandfather to be his sponsor.

Much to my surprise when we enrolled my son my wife also enrolled. She had decided that she wanted to get baptized and become a full member of the Church. I could not be her sponsor because of our marriage situation but I attended classes with her and my son.

Going through RCIA the second time was more difficult for me. I had learned more about my faith and was looking to receive a greater depth of instruction than what was taught. I had forgotten that RCIA was meant to be a taste of the faith, enough so the person could understand what they were committing to but not too much to be overwhelming. It was perfect for what my wife and son needed. RCIA in our new parish was taught by a team of seven people. Many of them have become dear friends. One has become my mentor.

It was finally time for our family to right our relationship with God. I am sure it was with divine help all of the puzzle pieces started to fall into place.

First – my annulment was granted. I was now free to marry. My wife’s first marriage was also reviewed and she was cleared to marry as well. Free to marry, we could have our marriage blessed and be viewed as husband and wife by the Church. Father Ariel Valencia witnessed our marriage in a private ceremony in the chapel of our church on March 16^th, 2013. We had already done the big show wedding. This one was for our family and God.

Next – I received the Sacrament of Reconciliation for the first time. This was something that was overlooked the first time I went through RCIA and my Lutheran baggage told me that this was something I didn’t really have to do. With that baggage gone and a deeper understanding of my faith I understood that this was a huge hurdle keeping me from God.  One by one I went through the list of sins I had committed over the course of forty years. Some were extremely painful to say out loud. Some brought forth immense shame. Both of those were good things as it showed me that I was sorry for what I had done. Many people have told me about the weight they feel lifted off of them when they hear the words, “I absolve you of your sins.” I didn’t have that experience. It was good to know that I had been forgiven but at the same time some healed wounds leave scars and I have some that run very deep. In any event I was now a man with a clean slate and a blessed marriage. I was now in a right relationship to receive the Eucharist again. The thought of this brought me joy but that joy failed in comparison to what happened next.

We were now entering Holy Week where the catechumens (unbaptized) and candidates (baptized adults seeking full confirmation) were preparing to become full members of the Church. On Easter Sunday, 2013 my wife and her two children were baptized. Then my wife and oldest son were confirmed and became full members of the Church. Next my wife, my oldest and I all received the Eucharist together. For me it was the first time receiving the Eucharist in thirteen years. One could argue that it actually the first time I received the Eucharist correctly.

This by far was the greatest day of my life and the source of the greatest joy I have ever known. A husband and father’s primary responsibility is to make sure that his wife and children make it to heaven. When I first started down this road I had little hope of fulfilling that task. I am constantly amazed at what God can do if you only allow him to work through you. I now had a Catholic family, all baptized and growing in their faith.

God was far from done.

Father Ariel Valencia, my wife and children - Easter Sunday 2013.

 

A New Home....

The religious education of children is one of a parent’s greatest responsibilities. This was a responsibility I was woefully negligent of when it came to my oldest son. I walked away from the Church when he was three years old. The only churching he got was on the rare occasion when he went to Mass with his grandparents or when he went with his mother to one of her progressive churches. She was now very anti-Catholic because the Church would not accept the gay lifestyle or ordain women. This created a great deal of animosity between her and her parents and an even greater deal of confusion for my son, which he still struggles with today.

I have only myself to blame for this. I rarely shared my faith with my son and I tried never to address the gay issue with him out of respect for his mother. This meant that he only heard her beliefs and lies not countered become truth. I am happy that I have a son who is caring and respectful of all people.  I wanted him to be that caring and respectful while still knowing the truth. It was time I step up to the plate and be the dad I am meant to be.

At the same time I had two step-children who never got much religious education either. It was time that all my children learn about the beauty of the Catholic faith. The religious education program for children is called CCD or Confraternity of Christian Doctrine. The parish that we were part of charged a fee per child that put this program out of our reach. We made an appointment to discuss the matter with our parish priest.

We told Father about our issues. He countered by asking how our Mass attendance had been. We admitted that it had begun to fall off. Our youngest, quickly approaching the terrible twos, was becoming more and more disruptive during Mass. This parish did not have a cry room and I thought it wrong to disturb people who had come to worship. We started staying away.

Father told us that it was more important for us to come to Mass than it was for us to come to Mass at his parish. He recommended that we switch to a different parish closer to our house. That parish had both a cry room and a family plan for CCD. He would be sad to see us go but happy if we would continue to grow in our faith life.

I had mixed feelings about this idea. This parish was the parish where I converted and came into the Catholic faith. I had a lot of history with this parish. The hardest part for me was that they had a very good and holy man as parish priest. A good priest is like a good doctor or a good mechanic. When you find one you want to hold on to them for as long as possible.

My wife on the other hand couldn’t have been happier with the suggestion. Although she also liked the priest she was never comfortable in that parish. My history at that parish was with my ex-wife and her family and she could not see this parish ever becoming “our” spiritual home. There were too many constant reminders of past ties.

I understood her feelings but had a hard time letting go. I am very conservative (orthodox) with my faith. My church was the old design, Protestant style church. The new church was more new fangled “church in the round” style. We had a conservative/orthodox priest. Who knows what the new church had. I had heard too many horror stories of poorly formed priests and liturgical abuses to be comfortable.

In the end it was more important that my children receive the religious education they deserve and my wife be happy with the parish we attend than it was for me to be an unchanging stick in the mud. I took a chance and we switched parishes. St Rita Catholic Church, Rockford, Illinois became our new spiritual home.

My wife never seems to tire of saying, “I told you so.” St. Rita has been an absolute blessing to our family. My fears of a poor priest couldn’t have been further from the mark. Both the priest and his associate were good and holy men. Everyone we met was warm, welcoming and friendly. It was definitely the best move we could have made and key to our righting our relationship with God.

A New Man...

I have just gotten through what will probably be one of the worst weeks of my life. I have come out the other side a very humble guy. God surly has greater plans for me and right now I am all ears.

I have a horrible family medical history. My father had a major heart attack when he was only thirty-eight. He had quadruple bypass open heart surgery at forty-two. His heart attack jump started rheumatoid arthritis and by the time he had the open heart surgery he was fully disabled. I was only fifteen and very lucky to still have a father.

The rheumatoid arthritis created a laundry list of other health issues, destroying his body slowly and very painfully. By the time he died he had survived six additional angioplasties, three hip replacements, cornea replacements, spinal stenosis and had beaten hepatitis C. He not only endured suffering but taught us how to bear suffering with grace. There was never a doctor, nurse, care giver or fellow sufferer that he did not leave with a smile, a laugh or a pleasant memory.

I lost my father when he was sixty-six. He lost his father to a heart attack when he was sixty-seven. He lost a brother to a stroke and a heart attack when he was sixty-two and a nephew to a heart attack at fifty-six. Like I said, I have a horrible family medical history and this is only the tip of the iceberg. My father constantly warned me to change my ways or I would walk his path. Of course, in my youth, I was superman and nothing could hurt me.

In 2008 I turned thirty-eight and began to notice the symptoms of a clogged ticker. Because of my father my doctor sent me straight in for an angiogram. They found one block that was 50% - 60% closed. They can’t touch a block until it hits 70% so I was sent home with instructions to change my lifestyle. This was also the same year my father died and I got married. I was already dealing with too much emotionally so I didn’t pay the doctor much mind.

Over the last two years I have had an increase in symptoms that are clogged heart related. We were really struggling financially and couldn’t pay additional medical bills so I fell back to VA medical coverage. I complained to them about the symptoms expecting that they would get me in for testing and corrective measures. Year one went by and no response from the VA. I complained louder during my physical the next year and they did another write-up. Six or seven months went by and no word from them. I have been traveling more than usual the past year and the symptoms have really begun to show more and more. I was constantly worried about having a heart attack while on the road so I decided I could not wait any longer for the VA to respond.

I went back to my regular doctors and they immediately sent me for an angiogram. I fully expected that the one block would now be 70%+ and that they would be able to balloon me back into health. Ten minutes into it the cardiologist stopped the surgery and told me I was going to need open heart bypass. The one block that we knew of was now at 75% - as it was expected. What came out of nowhere was that the other two arterial branches were at 90% and 95% blocked. My heart was a time bomb with little time left on the clock. I was devastated.

To look at this from the positive side of the coin we had caught this before any damage was done. I didn’t find out about it by waking up in a hospital in Newark, New Jersey or by collapsing on a plane while flying over Colorado. Given the location and seriousness of the blocks there was a great possibility of not waking up at all. I am also young making recovery an easier proposition. Because it was not an emergency the surgery was scheduled three weeks out.

“He's a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper, anyway he saw us and come in low. And three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again.”

Rule #1 of blogging – never miss the opportunity to use a good Jaws quote. But that quote illustrated exactly how I felt. I was ok with the surgery, although still a bit shocked by it. But from the time I got the diagnosis to the time everything went dark in the OR I was in fear that this would go from a scheduled surgery to an emergency surgery. Every little pain, ache or tickle in my chest was amplified.

My wife was amazed at how calm I was in the time leading up to the surgery. She was not taking the situation nearly as well. It is times like these when your true faith presents itself. It is that faith that is then tested. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Do you truly trust God no matter what the outcome?

I would receive the Sacrament of Anointing before going in for surgery. My sins are forgiven and I am made ready for the journey if that is God’s will. If I died on the table I would go straight to Heaven, no purgatory. I asked my wife to look at things through my eyes for just a moment. What is the worst possible outcome that could happen? She answered, “You could die.” to which I responded, “No, I could come through this just fine and live another thirty years.” If that was the worst that could happen to me how could I be worried? Trust in God. It works.

On November 12^th at 7:00AM I was wheeled into the OR. My wife and I exchanged kisses and “I love yous.” I looked her in the eyes and said, “Have faith,” just as everything went black. Truth be told, my greatest fear was waking up after the surgery with the breathing tube in. I have a bad gag reflex and I couldn’t imagine having a tube down my throat. As the anesthesia wore off and I began to come to I did my best to relax and let the machine breath for me. I gagged many times before they could remove the tubes from my throat. I had made it through to the other side of surgery. Sorry to say that I do not have any stories of the tunnel of light, walking with angels or being sent back by Jesus. As interesting as those experiences sound I for one am really happy not to have had them.

When it was all said and done I had a quintuple (5) bypass. I out did my father by one. Who says I am an underachiever? As I write this blog I sit here bruised and battered but happy to be alive. I am also very overwhelmed and humbled. When I had the first angiogram in 2008 I could count the number of people who were actually praying for me on just my fingers. Since that time I have let God back into my life and he has begun to slowly transform me as a person. I have spent most of my life feeling pretty much alone. I kept people at two cubits distance (arm’s length reference – See Genesis 6:15). Today I am anything but alone.

The people who were praying for me during this ordeal numbers in the thousands. I have the entire Catholic faith community in general and a dozen or more parishes in particular. I am in the thoughts and prayers of many different protestant denominational and nondenominational churches as well as a few people in non-Christian religions. People are praying for me not only in many different states across this country but in a few other countries as well. The priest who married my wife and I heard about it through Facebook and drove over an hour and a half to sit with her in the waiting room during the surgery.  My parish priest was there shortly after surgery to anoint me again and give me deep comfort in my suffering. My ministry formation group held prayer services and sent me cards of sentiment. One even passed on a medal of Saint John of God, the patron saint of those suffering with heart disease. That medal never left my side during recovery in the days that followed in the hospital.  Family, friends, neighbors and at least one stranger have been by our side every step of the way. I am anything but alone.

This has all been extremely overwhelming and humbling to me. The outpouring of love I have received has been staggering. I wish I could thank you all here by name but that would be impossible. Know that your prayers have been heard and answered and that God still has a use for me. I look forward to being able to serve and return your love for decades to come.

There is one person I need to thank by name. That is my wife – Nicole. She was by my side every moment of this journey tolerating me while I was less than hospitable. She put up with the bear who emerged after surgery who could find nothing right in anything she did. She continued to care for me with nothing but love and compassion through it all. She said it was all in the vow she took but the vow is all but useless if it is not backed by the right word – agape.  She is that to me.

Thank you all for the prayers, support, casserole, cards, beef stew, lunch, hugs and every other offering I have received in the past weeks. Your outpouring helps heal a broken soul and body.

A Huge Step Forward

We were now attending Mass each week as a family. Our faith life began to grow. I found myself missing the Eucharist more and more each week. As the patriarch of Clan Collins I needed to get our family into a right relationship with God. How does a Catholic, civilly divorced and remarried outside of the Church go about reconciling this relationship?

According to Catholic teaching there are only three ways this can be done:

1: Your original spouse dies. Once your spouse dies you are no longer bound by the sacrament of marriage and are free then to marry again (until death do us part…remember?).

2: You and your current spouse take a vow to live as brother and sister. You see, it’s all about the sex. Sex is reserved to one man and one woman bound together in a covenantal marriage. Notice that I did not say a sacramental marriage. It is possible to have a Church blessed wedding that is not sacramental. This is often the case between interfaith marriages (a Catholic and a Buddhist) or in the case where one of the spouses is not baptized. The marriage is recognized but it is not a sacrament and you do not receive the sacramental grace that goes along with it.

Couples in my situation can take a vow to live as brother and sister, that is, live in a sexless relationship. Once done I could receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation and then be able to start receiving the Eucharist again.

3: You can seek an annulment.

Seeing my original wife was not dead and that there was little chance of this new marriage going sexless seeking an annulment was my only choice if I wanted to right this relationship with God.  An annulment is not a Catholic divorce. If a person can show where there was something not correct with the first marriage then that marriage can be declared void – it wasn’t a marriage from the start.

So what constitutes a valid marriage, which can never be annulled?

There are three basic requirements for two people to wed in the Catholic Church:

1: The couple must be capable and free to marry – they must be a man and a woman of proper maturity who are free from any impediment to marry.

2: The couple must be freely giving their consent to marry one another. No arranged or shotgun marriages allowed.

3: They must follow the canonical matter and form required by the church.

An annulment in the Catholic Church is a very serious matter. The Church is basically ruling that a conferred sacrament was never really conferred in the first place. This is something they have to be absolutely sure about. If your first marriage was indeed a validly sacramental marriage and they allow you to remarry the sin is on the person who allowed it. I am sure there is no honest priest who wishes his soul be damned to hell just to let a couple he will likely never see again unknowingly commit adultery.

Because of this the Church has a very arduous, thorough and legalistic process that must be completed. Each spouse is appointed an advocate.  Something a kin to a deposition must be completed by the person seeking the annulment as well as at least four witnesses who knew the couple before and after the marriage. The other spouse is given a chance to give their side of the story and contest the annulment if they so desire. The couple must also be civilly divorced before starting this process.

Once all of the paperwork is complete the advocates go over it and it is brought before a tribunal for review. If the tribunal feels that there are grounds to proceed the petition for annulment is then sent to a judge for a ruling. If the judge finds just cause to issue the annulment it is automatically sent to the court of second chance. There everything is reviewed once again and a final decree is then issued. If both judges come to the same conclusion a decree of nullity is issued and both parties are free to marry again.

Like I said, this is serious stuff. The Church has to make sure that it gets this right.

But all the thoroughness comes with a price. My annulment was pretty straight forward. It still took the better part of ten months to complete. This is the process the recent synod on the family has been discussing. How can we be thorough and correctly review each petition yet speed things up and make it an easier process?

I thought my annulment was pretty cut and dried. I was surprised at the amount of time it took. My ex had hidden the fact that she was gay from me so I did not have the knowledge I needed in the beginning to make an informed choice. The grounds on which my annulment was filed was indeed deception on her part even though it was not a wanton or malicious act. She was struggling with that issue at the time we were dating so neither of us were “free” to marry when we made the decision to do so.

As for me they ruled that I lacked the proper maturity to be able to marry. My ex was the first person I honestly dated and therefore they felt that I jumped into marriage far too quickly. In retrospect they were right. In the end they granted me the annulment which made it possible for me to remarry.

My wife was also married before. Her husband was “Catholic” although he didn’t actively practice, if he believed any of it at all. She also had to have her first marriage reviewed for validity although she did not have to petition for an annulment. Her review was much simpler than mine. First, she wasn’t baptized. Second, her ex had been married several times without ever seeking an annulment. Third their marriage lacked the proper form and matter to be considered a valid marriage. Form and matter is a topic of another discussion and another time. It was ruled that she was also free to marry.

That was the largest hurdle in getting this relationship right with God. We were both now free to marry and we could get our marriage blessed by the Church. Seeing my wife was not baptized we could have a blessed marriage but not a sacramental one. If we had a blessed marriage and she were to get baptized it would instantly become a sacramental marriage and we would receive all the grace the sacrament brings with it.

We were taking big steps forward and God had many more blessings in store for us.

Respect Life Month

A life to be celebrated or a burden to be terminated?

The answer to that question currently depends on the will of the mother. If the mother wants the child then it is considered a life and protected to the full extent of the law. If the mother does not want the child she is free to have it murdered and removed from her womb.

This is one of the most divisive issues in the United States today – Pro Life vs. Pro Choice.

 

Let’s take religion out of the argument for just a moment. They only reason this is an issue today is because we as a people, a society and a country have not decided when a human life begins. Once we do that this argument is over. This is funny to me because science has determined when all other life begins and that is upon conception of that life. The opinions seem to change a bit when we are dealing with the human animal. Then majority opinion is still at conception but some change their minds. Why?

 

Again, leaving religion out of the discussion, the Constitution of the United States protects ALL HUMAN LIFE within the borders of this country and our territories. One cannot be deprived of their life without due process of the law. If we were to officially define life as beginning at conception it would mean that babies are protected from the moment of conception. One could not abort a baby without due process of the law or, in other words, one would have to prove what crime, punishable by death, the baby had committed in order for it to be put to death and removed from the womb. This would end abortion.

I will only make one comment from the religious side of this coin;

 

No society that ever practiced child sacrifice has survived. God has wiped them all from the face of this planet. We are next in line if we do not change our ways. Make no mistake – abortion is child sacrifice. Children are sacrificed every day to the gods of convenience, selfish desire and ignorance. More children have been sacrificed (murdered) by abortion than by any of the recognized evil men have killed – Hitler, Hussein, Chairman Mao, Idi Amin, Pol Pot, Stalin – all murdered less people than the number of aborted babies in this country alone. 57,243,184 since abortion was legalized in 1973. 837,450 this year alone.

 

 

October is Respect Life Month. Each and every one of us is a masterpiece made by God. We should not only respect life but we should cherish and celebrate it.

 

For the record, the baby pictured at the beginning of this post is a life that is celebrated. That is my youngest daughter – Madelynn Nicole.

 

Baby steps forward.

I had been back to attending weekly Mass for about a month when my wife surprised me by telling me that she would like to go with me.  This was a pleasant surprise to me seeing the Catholic faith was the only Christian faith my wife once told me she would not consider. Now she was willing to give it a try. The next week that our children were with the “others” we attended Mass together for the first time as husband and wife….kind of.

She came away from Mass full of questions, which showed interest. We went together again and more questions – more interest. It wasn’t what she expected. She didn’t agree with everything she saw but then again she didn’t understand everything she saw either. She had always wanted a family faith life so it wasn’t long before we started taking the kids with us every week.

Now I said that we attended Mass as husband and wife…kind of. We were husband and wife in the eyes of the state. We had the signed license. We went through the prescribed ceremony. But in the eyes of the Catholic Church we were adulterers.  We were sinners committing mortal sin and therefore could not fully participate in the Mass.

In the Catholic Church marriage is one of the seven sacraments. As we learned in a previous post a sacrament is a sacred oath taken until death. Marriage being a sacrament explains the “until death do us part” business you always hear at weddings. You also always (used to) hear a part that basically goes like “what God has joined together let no one separate”.

This goes all the way back to creation itself. God created man and then woman. He joined the two together and made them one flesh, the first marriage. How did that end? Woman, who could not be told what to do, ate the apple and now I have to wear pants. Ok, maybe it’s not that simple. Plus if Adam had done his job and protected his wife none of that would have happened. So it’s really man’s fault I have to wear pants. Figures.

Jesus reaffirmed this with his teaching to the Jews when they questioned him about divorce. Moses, a man, allowed divorce because their hearts had hardened to the will of God. Jesus reminded them of the first marriage and that man and woman are bound together as one flesh which cannot be separated. This is the Catholic belief and teaching. Once married a man and woman are bound inseparable until one of them dies. Only then is the survivor allowed to remarry. There is no such thing as a divorced Catholic.

Both my wife and I had been previously married, I in the church and she in the backyard. Seeing the Catholic Church doesn’t recognize the word “previously” we both were “currently” married to other people. That made us adulterers with mortal sin separating us from a right relationship with God. We could not partake in the fullness of the Mass and could only watch from a distance.

The important thing was that we were at Mass, together, with our children, desiring to be in a right relationship with God. Where there is a desire God will provide the path for healing.

Knights of Columbus

I interrupt the regularly scheduled blogcast to bring you this breaking news:

Today I completed my second and third degrees in the Knights of Columbus.

The Knights of Columbus is the largest Catholic men’s fraternity in the world. The following is taken off the Knights of Columbus website:

“Thanks to the efforts of Father Michael J. McGivney, assistant pastor of St. Mary’s Church in New Haven and some of his parishioners, the Connecticut state legislature on March 29, 1882, officially chartered the Knights of Columbus as a fraternal benefit society. The Order is still true to its founding principles of charity, unity and fraternity.

The Knights was formed to render financial aid to members and their families. Mutual aid and assistance are offered to sick, disabled and needy members and their families. Social and intellectual fellowship is promoted among members and their families through educational, charitable, religious, social welfare, war relief and public relief works.

The history of the Order shows how the foresight of Father Michael J. McGivney, whose cause for sainthood is being investigated by the Vatican, brought about what has become the world's foremost Catholic fraternal benefit society. The Order has helped families obtain economic security and stability through its life insurance, annuity and long-term care programs, and has contributed time and energy worldwide to service in communities.”

A Catholic men’s fraternity that promotes Charity – Unity – Fraternity. Brothers helping brothers and their widows and orphans. If you are a Catholic man and you are not a Knight why aren’t you? There is a huge difference between the Knights sending condolences to your wife upon your passing and the Knights sending condolences with a check upon your passing. If you are not a Knight give it a look. Give me a holler. If it’s not for you then no harm, no foul. It’s hard to turn away from a group of Catholic men publicly living their faith, putting their money where their mouth is and leading with charity, unity and fraternity. You may find it to be one of the most rewarding things you ever do.

 Knights of Columbus

 

Now back to the regularly scheduled blogcast.