My brothers and I have just completed our second year of
diaconate formation. Our aspirancy period has ended. We get the summer to
reflect and further discern our future. At the end of July we will face our
second scrutiny. If we are found worthy our diocese will invite us to Candidacy.
This is where the Church publically declares her intention to ordain us at the
end of our formal formation. We will have to make a choice. If we decide to go
forward we will be publically declaring our intention to be ordained.
This is no small decision. In a world that doesn’t believe
or understand the supernatural many do not get why this is such a big deal. I
have a friend who is a Baptist deacon. His formation period was two weeks. Mine
is a total of seven years. When a man is ordained in the Catholic Church the
Bishop passes along his authority through the laying on of hands. The Bishop
received this authority through the same manner, passed down through the ages
from one man to another back to when Jesus did it to the original Disciples.
Like baptism, receiving Holy Orders puts an indelible mark on the soul. It is
permanent. It cannot be undone. If we publically declare our intention to be
ordained and we accept the invitation to candidacy we will be forever marked as
men who were found worthy of candidacy. Even if we never get ordained that will
be a mark in our permanent record.
When I was originally discerning the diaconate and in the
past two years of aspirancy I thought I was being called to serve. God wanted
me to serve as a deacon. Upon further reflection I do not believe this to be
the case. If all God wanted me to do was serve there are plenty of places to do
so without being ordained. There are many great humanitarian organizations in
and outside of Church that are in desperate need of good people to help. No,
God is not calling me to serve. God is calling me to be ordained.
Holy Orders are one of the seven Sacraments of the Catholic
Church. A Sacrament is a conduit through which the Lord delivers special grace.
If God is calling me to Holy Orders then he wants to use the Sacrament to
deliver a special grace to me. Graces and gifts are given to us to help us
complete a mission that the Lord wishes us to do. If God wants to give me a
special grace it is to strengthen me for a mission he wants me to embark on.
Like Abraham, Mary, or Jesus before me I am being given an
option. Are you willing to trust me and let me do my will in your life without
the need to know what or why right now? Are you willing to be ordained so that
I may use you for something special later? Often these questions come with
great suffering and trial and the grace is given to provide one with strength
to see the mission to completion. Knowing that is what makes this one of the
hardest decisions I will ever have to make. Do I have the faith of Abraham to
do as the Lord asks no matter what that may be? Do I have the conviction of
Mary to say yes to the Lord’s invitation? Do I have the strength of Jesus to
say, “Thy will, not mine, be done.”
That is what my brothers and I must discern this summer.
That is the decision we must make. Our response cannot be lukewarm. We either
have to go all in or walk way.
Pray for us, that we be open to the voice of God over the next
couple months and discern correctly. May the Holy Spirit lead us and guide us
to make the right choice. This is no small decision.
